Bloodwork today

Yesterday I went back to the hematologist for another follow-up. He has been treating my anemia. He said on my labs from late July, my hemoglobin looked really good. So it's possible that the anemia was primarily pregnancy-related and not caused by my kidney failure. I went & had more blood work today; I go back to see him again in 2 weeks.

Rick had some blood work done yesterday- they had trouble getting the vein on his arm, so they had to draw from the back of his hand. He was telling me about it and said that it hurt, but then he thought for a minute and said, "No sympathy, huh?"
You got that right! haha

Today I also went for my monthly blood work to check on my kidney function. Last time I was right at 20%. If i get to 15% or below, that's when I have to start dialysis. I see my nephrologist on Monday and we will be going over the blood work results.

I've been pretty stressed out about it. It's pretty overwhelming to go to bed every night knowing there's always a chance that any day, I might be bound to a machine to filter my blood 3-6 hours a day, 3-5 days a week. Every day we have to think about the fact that even with dialysis, there is a real possibility that I won't live long enough to find me a kidney.
A friend of Rick's from high school, her brother was on dialysis and got a staph infection (which is not uncommon) and died this past week. He was only 40.

I read all the time about these amazing strong people who are sick and say they're never scared, they just accept what comes at them, that they just greet every day with a smile and never let it get them down. I just don't know how to be one of those people. Maybe it means I am weak, but I AM scared, and I'm not OK with all the crappy things that have happened to us. I'm not always smiling and it does get me down a lot.

Anyways, I am off to make macadamia-crusted mahi for dinner.